Letting Go, One Memory at a Time

I grew up timid—frightened of my own shadow, careful with every step, scanning rooms for approval before I spoke. The loneliness was strong. I carried it into my teens like a worn-out sweater that was too comfortable to throw. By my late teens, I started gathering a little courage, but the old script continued: “if I can just find the right people, the right approval, the right belonging, I’ll be OK”.

I needed someone else to fix the ache

I believed the emptiness could be filled from the outside. I overperformed, people-pleased, collected gold stars—and still felt unseen. I kept a quiet ledger of who showed up and who didn’t. I carried grudges that looked like “standards,” but really they were old hurts with new labels. I waited for apologies that never came. I thought closure was a gift only others could hand me.

When life got hard, the old loneliness flared. I pressed harder: prove, perfect, perform, repeat. And when that didn’t work, I retreated and told myself the old story: You’re on your own because you’re not enough. That loop was familiar, and familiarity can feel like truth.

I have me

Slowly, I learned another way. One memory at a time. One reaction at a time. I realized I’d had the one person I needed all along: me.

That shift didn’t happen in a weekend. It came from small, simple repeatable choices:

• Identifying my negative thoughts.

• Reframing it positively.

• Speaking to myself the way I would with a loved one.

• Learning to ask for what I need, 

As I practiced, the lonely child in me stopped running the show. I saw that so much of the pain wasn’t just what happened—it was the replay. I had been keeping the past alive by rehearsing it. Letting go didn’t erase history; it released my grip on the version of it that kept me stuck.

I also stopped outsourcing my worth. I still love people. I still want closeness. I just don’t require someone else to hold the center of me. I hold it. When I’m disappointed, I can feel it, name it, and take the next right step without burning myself down or turning life into a courtroom.

Life is still a learning curve. I still get triggered. But now I have a simple rhythm I return to:

That’s why I’m sharing my work—the daily process of releasing what weighs us down, so we can rise into new strength, understanding, and purpose. Release & Rise.

Release & Rise is my free, daily practice for letting go and moving forward—one small step at a time. Grab the guide and follow the WhatsApp Channel for one micro-reminder a day. Link: https://www.coachmelife.com/release-rise-free-30-day-guide